What now?

I cannot believe that I ran out of ideas of what to blog. Deep thoughts, deep thoughts, deep thoughts. Since my tutor wants to know what our brains are thinking all the time, so I might just type out what I'm thinking all the time, how the surroundings that happen make me how I think in that situation.

However, these are not explaining enough what we're actually thinking of. So, I've gonna think deep. I've think deep through enough to bring up all kinds stories, not to mention how hard I drilled through my brain for ideas for our assignments. So now, I have stories for my assignments but, and a big giant egg of idea for my blog.

Facing in front of my precious 5 year old Lappy, I kept on thinking. Still, nothing comes up, it's been a while since my head's "light bulb" last flashed itself. While sitting and wondering, a thought passes through my mind. A faint flash was seen at my light bulb.

Since my tutor wants to know what what we're were thinking, we gave him stories and situations, and we told them in the stories how we felt but it doesn't seem to appeal much. He wants to know our deep thoughts, we gave him our very deepest thoughts and yet THEY'RE AREN'T DEEP ENOUGH. To think that I had expressed how deeply my thoughts are and they're not good enough. What else can I do to make a better blog entries?

I guess to give him the ultimate blog entry, I'll just gonna have to pull my hair out, crack open my skull, drilled through my poor little brain just to get a small piece of story or ideas that I can use for my blog entry. Not to forget to insert some "real super deep thoughts" because my tutor just love to know what's going on inside our head. I wonder what's that piece of deep thoughts he wanna see?? *no offence sir but this is how I felt*

Suffering.Pain - Breakthrough

One more month. One more month till this semester finally ends. So many things to do, so many assignments. They don't stop, they just keep coming. Can I ever finish everything that's piling up right now? There are too many sometimes I can't face it. It's too much, I can't do it. This is too much, it's suffocating, I'm struggling. Looking at this never ending work is tiring. I'm tired. I feel like giving up. Just when I want to put my pencil down, something flash through my mind. "Are you sure? You're giving up halfway? I thought you were stronger. You've been worse than this haven't you? Do you wanna give up halfway after all you been through? We haven't even gotten  to the fun part yet and you're stopping here. You're underestimating yourself too much don't you think?"

*HAH* Who am I kidding? My dear self, snap out of it! This is just my first year of degree and I'm having doubts about my ability, myself. I've got to pull myself together!! If I can't even handle myself well in my first year, how am I suppose to prepare for my second year? Well, I'm just gonna stay tough, hang on, and keep fighting  until I've complete my degree. RIGHT!!! Stop sulking, and chase all negative thoughts away. This is just a thin wall, made of brittle wood which I can just punch through with my fist. The brick wall still awaits me far away. This little wood wall is not going to stop me from bringing down the brick wall that I'm going to face in the future. I'M READY! BRING IT ON!!!!


*Just wanna get some things off my chest. Been very busy with assignments, these never ending assignments get on my nerves most of the time. Well, they can't stop me from doing what I want to achieve!!* FIGHT MODE ON!!!!!!!!!!

Fate and Destiny

"There is no such things as coincidence in this world. There's only the inevitable."

"Destiny: an event that must happen no matter what. Nothing will happen without it. Many things can be imagined from what is seen."

So, I read a story and this author is very in particular about things such as fates and destinies. True enough, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. We may know what the reason is but others are just left a mystery. What I could think of is, destiny are thing that bound to happen no matter what it is. Bad things do happen and people seek to prevent it from happen. However, it is said, you can avoid it but you can never prevent it. That's to say we may avoid it now but in the near future they will happen again. If such things are destined to happen to you, it will happen.

On the other hand, fate is something that's been created for us right from the moment we're born. Example, if we're born into a healthy and wealth family, or born into the poor and slums,it is fated and we'll be living this way until the very end of our lives. If our fate is good, then we'll say "I accept this fate". But some whose fate are bad, some that couldn't take it, curses their fate and live in despair forever. 

It is weird to say that everything has been arranged for us right from the moment we're born. "we plan however we want but God decides all". That's what everyone says. If our fate is destined to be this way, we have no choice but to accept it. What ever we do has been decided. Including commit suicide, we chose to do it, but it's been long decided  and destined that we will do it. It is not a choice but it's been fated and desti ed.

Sketch and Draw~ Let's start it AGAIN!

Being a huge fan of Japanese comics and animation, I've always wondered how great if I could draw the characters that I love. Back then in high school, I always keep few printed pictures of the animation series I watched with me. Having those pictures with me keeps me thinking "I wanna draw these characters!" With these thoughts and feelings, the urge to draw them, in the end, I start doing it myself.

Line by line, I look at the figures, I sketch, erase, and sketch it again, finally I drew a character. To my surprise, I've done a pretty good job on my first try. And so, from time to time at school hours, I would draw my favourite characters onto my notebook and for some reason I noticed, when I was drawing, I pay a full attention to what I was drawing rather than my surroundings. During class, the teacher was teaching while me, myself sitting at the back of the class, feeling very bored, couldn't pay attention to the front, I ended up drawing. As I was focusing on what I was doing, I didn't even realise the one and a half hour of lesson already ended, I kept on drawing like nobody's business until my friend comes and give a pat on my back. I'm surprised. The entire chemistry period ended just like that and here I am, just drawing half of the figure. For a moment there, I felt like I was in another world during the lesson. I couldn't recall what my teacher said, what topic she taught or what was going on during that entire hour. You can say I've regained my "consciousness" when my friend give the pat on my back. Yes, that pat eventually pull me back to Earth.

For a few weeks I was quite indulge in drawing animation characters. I even think someday, I might draw myself few strips of comics and share it with my friends. However, things do not go the way it is. For no reason, I stopped drawing. I didn't know why I stopped. Probably because back then, I have no inspirations. I wasn't inspired by anyone to do it. Maybe because of that, I wasn't motivated enough to continue. despite feeling bored to the max in class, I couldn't bring myself to draw anymore. I felt very lazy. So, my drawing ends there.

Few years later, I finally found my inspiration, I was inspired, and I'm motivated to draw comic characters again! I'm a university student now and seeing the artworks of my course mates who share the same interest as me, I was shocked! THEY DREW SO WELL! The character details, from the hair to the clothes, they're very well drawn. Oh my, this is like the artwork of a real comic artist! Besides, the characters from the animation, they're even able to draw their very own characters. Their original and fan art is just so amazing. I've seen them drawing a character from scratch and they just finish it within few minutes. Well that was quick. The art was great, I couldn't stop staring at it. Thinking about the old artworks I did. All I manage to do was copy the works of others while my mates here can just draw the character without referring. These inspired me to start drawing all over again. I wanted to be able to draw great characters without referring much just like them and I even started buying myself a sketchbook already.

Out of curiosity I asked them how long have they been drawing. I'm thinking probably they all must have love drawing so much since little. Most of them answered they started it during their high school days.Oh........just like me. I started during my high school days too. Only that I stopped after a few weeks of doing it and my course mates here kept on drawing until they mastered it. I'm thinking, if I haven't give up drawing back then, I might be just as good as them now. Well, I guess it's better late than never right?After all, all I need to do now is keep on sketching, drawing and produce some amazing artworks. Let's start it again now~

Will it End?

They say that we need 3 years to develop a good habit, but it takes only 3 days to have a bad habit.

Some of us are aware that we're having REAL bad habits and need to stop them. We knew they're bad and must be stopped but we still keep doing it although part of our consciousness say they must be stopped!

Temptation are hard to resists. We keep telling ourselves "this would be the last", "by tomorrow I'll stop it". But how many of us are really stopping the bad habit. Example of the bad habit - sleeping very late at night. Yes, like myself, I sleep very late at night. Even I was feeling very tired and drained, the clock strikes 1am, I would still feel "it's still early".

True enough, I often tell myself to go bed early but I still carry on with that bad habit. I keep doing it, my mind tells me to stop it, I keep doing it again. The flow just keep going on endlessly. Maybe the flow will stop if I put a stop to it.

Most people would say you must have determination to stop a bad habit. You're determined to stop it. However, things do not go the way it is. You make an effort to stop it but it's not working. "I've tried my best but it doesn't work." Did we really put much amount of effort to stop it? Or we lied to ourselves saying it is okay because we couldn't find the answer.

I myself have a few bad habits I couldn't get rid off. Sometimes I ask myself, why am I still doing it. And the answer I come up myself is "I've tried but I fail. I wasn't determined enough". Is it true? Is it because I wasn't determined enough? Or because it's alright to keep doing it despite knowing the consequences.

I'm a senior??

So, a new semester begins. Right now, I'm a first year, semester 3 student in my universities. Being in semester 3 seems great? I'm a senior among the first years! Well, it's nothing excited about that. I used to think that being a senior makes you kind of like "the almighty one". But actually, thought you're a senior among the first years, there's still somebody who are more older than you are. The second and the third years student, they have more experience in studies than you are. So, there's nothing for me to boast about.

I've remembered  something embarrassing during the last semester. Despite just being a 1st year, semester 2 student, I felt so superior! "I'm gonna have junior this year! I want to help them in case they have problems! Or they'll come to me for advice when they have problems!" Oh, just thinking about being able to be the big sister figure-like just makes me happy! Of course sometimes when the small ones depend on you can be difficult sometimes, but thinking about these little ones come to me for help makes me happy! 

HOWEVER, none of that can really happen. I realised there's very few new intakes this semester and I felt why is there more seniors than usual? Oh my......I feel very small suddenly. Here I am, coming to campus with high hopes of becoming a great senior but I end up being another plain old junior for other students. This is just like a freshman on his first day of high school, surrounded by so many seniors. I can't help but feeling small!!!! 

Well, that  first week was pretty embarrassing one. So, now I'm here. A senior among the 1st years. I don't feel superior anymore. I'm just another student who studies that this campus, just like you. I don't care how others see me as, be it a junior or a senior, that's up to you until you come ask me which year I am. Still, I'm aware that deep down, I still wanna be treated like a senior......AH SCREW MYSELF!!!!